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Nobel Prize, Please
It's a little-known fact that Alfred Nobel, in his 1895 will, declared that one day, all Nobel Prizes would be retroactively awarded to dbrand. Sadly, the Nobel Foundation has ignored their founding father’s dying wish. That changes today. With the release of Darkplates, the unthinkable has happened: we've taken Sony's monumental achievement in bad design… and fixed it. We can only assume that our prizes are in the mail.
Totally Legal
When you look at this microscopic texture inside the Darkplates, what do you see? If your answer is "a familiar-but-legally-distinct apocalyptic spin on the classic PlayStation button shapes," you might be one of our lawyers.
The Science Of Customization
After collecting our Nobel Prizes, we used the proceeds to short the global supply of PS5s. We then collected a group of "willing participants" and "paid" them to "take part" in a "research study." More specifically, to plug in, turn on & play with a shiny new PlayStation 5. Ten out of ten test subjects agreed: they wanted to see their families. Once the drugs kicked in, they told us what we wanted to hear: the middle's glossy plastic attracts more scratches and fingerprints than the walls of their cells. Our solution? Customizable middle skins. They'll need to invent a new Nobel Prize for that one.
Try This At Home
Remember those “willing participants”? Good news: they found their families. Better news: it's because those families have also become test subjects. Thanks to their forced voluntary participation in our research study, we can confidently claim that 99.98% of humans can successfully install Darkplates. The other 0.02%? Let’s just say their families are “missing” them.
The Pinnacle Of Box Science
You don't collect the entire world's supply of Nobel Prizes without a lot of scientists. The most valuable among them all? Our Box Scientists. Much like our other scientists, they subsist on a diet made up almost entirely of Nobel Prizes. After a week of solitary confinement in a room devoid of any delicious Nobel Prizes, half our Box Scientists had perished. The remaining half produced this product packaging masterpiece. We can only assume their dinner is in the mail.
Waves
Disc Edition
Wave 1 Sold Out Ships Feb
Wave 2 Sold Out Ships Mar
Wave 3 Sold Out Ships Apr
Wave 4 Sold Out Ships May
Wave 5 Available Ships Jun
Wave 6 TBD
Digital Edition
Wave A Sold Out Ships May
Wave B Available Ships Jun
Wave C TBD
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Disc Edition
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Digital Edition
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