If we had a nickel for every millimeter of thickness that Project Killswitch added to your ROG Ally, we'd have two. We'd only need one, though: Project Killswitch is approximately as thin as a nickel. We just saved you five cents.

Every year, the US Military burns through $700,000,000,000. On what? Nobody knows. For only 0.0000000085642857% of the annual defense budget, you can do the same. But for your ROG Ally.

Checkmate, Eisenhower.

Are you the sort of person who wants to throw their ROG Ally into their backpack before leaving the house? Are you also the sort of person whose backpack is full of knives? The Travel Cover was made just for you.

In order to ensure the Killswitch would fit perfectly on your ROG Ally, we asked ASUS for some engineering assistance. We expected them to send over a CAD. Instead, they sent a team of engineers. We're happy to report that their sacrifice was not in vain.

The ROG Ally is heavy. Your wrists are weak. We can't solve either of these problems. We can, however, give you a Kickstand with built-in microSD card storage. In addition to giving your wrists some much-needed relief, it's also great for local multiplayer. Now, you just need friends.

See those microscopic ridges? Each is a textured dot, invisible to the naked eye. There are tens of thousands of them lining the handles of Project Killswitch, creating a tremendous number of grippy contact points for your butterfingers. The result? You’ll never drop your ROG Ally again.

Remember that grippy texture we just told you about? We asked a group of world-famous grip scientists to make it even grippier. Their solution: add liquid-black grip strips to the sides of Project Killswitch. If only they'd learned how to file a patent.

Much like the name implies, Stick Grips add grip to your thumbsticks. The textured surface, convex-domed center and raised perimeter combine to provide maximum resistance at full tilt. Your thumbs won't slip, no matter how greasy they may be.

Flawless optical clarity, polished edges smoother than your brain, and a perfect fit for the ROG Ally you spent your life savings on. What more could you ask for in a screen protector?

In case the rock you’ve been living under didn’t have internet access, dbrand makes customizable skins. They're easy to apply, leave no adhesive residue, and feature dozens of unique designs. Take your pick - when we judge your tastes, we'll do so silently.

We've spent more money than the Fed trying to save humans from themselves. The result? Detailed, award-winning tutorial videos that you can watch right here. Once you're finished, you'll understand why we gave ourselves a fake award.