Real Life DLC
Now that Infinity Ward has moved on to Warzone 2, we figured it was time to re-release Warzone. After detailing this plan to our lawyers, we were advised that video game companies are "highly litigious" and that "poking bears is a bad idea." After putting their advice to the test, we can confirm that bears will eat lawyers regardless of whether they've been poked. Welcome back, Warzone.
Toxic Electric Tape
Like any self-respecting business, we use interns to taste-test our new product launches. Apparently, our staffing agency had a problem with this - they said the interns kept coming back with intense stomach pain. Say no more, staffing agency: next time, they won't come back.
Gun Metal Rainbow
Ever wanted to make your phone look like an environmental disaster? You're in luck: Obsidian manages to simulate a catastrophic oil spill with only a fraction of the toxic fumes. Have you looked at the price of oil lately? You'd be hard-pressed to find a better deal. Checkmate, OPEC.
Matte Black Steel
According to history textbooks, the technique behind forging Damascus Steel has been lost to time. Lucky for you, we don't read history textbooks. Turns out, recreating Damascus Steel is exceedingly simple. You take a Damascus pattern, run it through a $92,000 printer, and boom: you've got Damascus. It's kind of like baking a cake, except the flour costs more than your college tuition.
Free Triple Black
When we told our Mass Production Scientists to create Triple Black Damascus, they understood that to mean “produce three times the amount.” Little did they know: the Everest-sized mountain of Triple Black Damascus they manufactured would be their final resting place. Apparently, the scientists' families now wish to give their loved ones a proper burial. When offered an oxygen tank for the treacherous ascent, they threatened us with lawsuits. Here's the deal: either we move a few billion cubic meters of Triple Black Damascus, or the scientists are getting some company.
Make a choice
- Ultimate scratch protection
- 0.23mm thin
- Easy to apply
- Military-grade impact protection
- Revolutionary grip
- Tactile buttons