Let's face it: AirTags are kind of useless. How does Apple expect you to attach them to anything? Let's take your dog, for example. You give him an AirTag to chew on. Three days later, your home is a crime scene. The crime? Dognapping. Could this have been prevented? No, but at least you could have attached your AirTag to his collar with a dbrand Grip.

Do you own keys? If the answer is "no," it's not surprising that your dog got stolen. If you do happen to be the proud owner of the 21st century lock-protecting, door-sealing, modern marvel known as "keys", we present The Keyring: a revolutionary invention that enables you to attach literally anything: house keys, car keys, mail keys, locker keys, piano keys, skeleton keys... you name it, we can put it on a keyring.

For those among you who are simply too adventurous for a keyring, we present the Lanyard. Some people will use this to secure their AirTags to a backpack and live a high-energy, outdoor lifestyle. Most will not. No need to tell us which group you belong to - we already know.

If you've so much as looked at your AirTag, congrats: it's already covered in scratches. Why would Apple use such a fragile metal when designing the AirTags? Probably because they knew we'd skin them. Pair your Grip with any of our delicious 3M materials and show the world that you're wise to Apple's game.

For the first time in all of history, Apple offered something for free. Turns out, it was the ability to have a soulless machine lovingly engrave your initials on a piece of plastic. In order to prevent your latest identity crisis, we've specifically engineered the Grip to make sure your stupid initials don't go unnoticed.

See those microscopic ridges? Each is a textured dot, invisible to the naked eye. There are literally thousands of them spanning the surface of the Grip, creating a tremendous number of grippy contact points for your butterfingers. The result? You’ll never drop your AirTag again.

We've spent more money than the Fed trying to save humans from themselves. The result? Detailed, award-winning tutorial videos that you can watch right here. Once you're finished, you'll understand why we gave ourselves a fake award.